Here are some tips that may make it less mundane and possibly more bearable to enjoy the new school year.

1. Sleep – A good night’s sleep ensures rest, bag less eyes, and prevents the teacher from waking you up mid-drool.

2. Study – Don’t like the town you live in but don’t have a way of moving out? Studying and scoring high on all of your tests and challenges will earn brownie points with your teacher, your parents, and it gets you one step closer to “out of Dodge.”

3. Ask for help – Don’t fall behind because you are ashamed to admit you need help. If you can’t talk to your friends or parents, go to a guidance counselor. Some of them actually do work and are dying to apply all that information they learned in summer workshops. “Swallowing your pride is the only thing that won’t cause indigestion.” (WHO IS THIS QUOTE FROM?)

4. Leave the drama for TV only – I cannot stress enough how gossiping is so not cute. When you gossip, you are admitting you have so little going on in your life that you put major emphasis on someone else’s. Putting it bluntly – gossiping makes you a non-important, irrelevant factor!

• Teachers – if you don’t pass this class, I promise you that you will see summer school this year.
• Parents – if you don’t pass this class, I promise you that I will kick your behind!
• Law enforcement – if you don’t stop skating on this park, I promise you that I will arrest you.

You want to accomplish something for yourself? Promise it to somebody else. You are more likely to follow through when you know someone is going to hold it over you.
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MS. D:
This is so true. Sometimes the only way I can get any work out of Ms. P is to make her promise to get it to me by a deadline!
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I just got off the phone with a good friend and I may have to drop her. She’s so negative.

She wants to change but she doesn’t want to change. You know people like that, right? For every possible option you suggest, there’s always an excuse not to try. Not, a story of having tried and it not worked out. No, a reason not to get up off their butt and try in the first place. Oh my God, those people make me mad!

When you have negative people in your life they steal a lot of energy and focus. You spend your whole life trying to solve their problems for them. Not to mention the fact that negative, miserable people are so wrapped up in feeling sorry for themselves, worrying about their own lives, their concerns, that they have very little time or energy left over to support you in your endeavors. And about zero interest. And why should they? Why should they spend their time congratulating and encourage someone else when the star of their lives – themselves – is their main concern.

Sometimes they will even undermine your good ideas, your dream. Here are some comments we’ve heard, spoken either to ourselves or overheard in the hallways:

• “Don’t try out for cheerleading. It will suck when you don’t make it.”
• “Why are you going to major Art History? There are no jobs in that.”
• “Girls like you don’t get guys like him.”
• “Don’t you think it’s going to be hard to get a book published in this economy?” (No, darn it, no!!!!!)

When my friend called me I was in a great mood. I was in a coffee shop and really focused on writing these blogs. The words and my creativity were flowing faster than I could type. I felt like I owned the place, like the store was lit up a little more just by my energy. Perez Hilton had nothing on me!

By the time I got off the phone I felt like someone had switched off the light, the air conditioning, even the plumbing. My friend used up more than time. She sucked my energy right off the pages of this blog into the swirling vortex of negativity that is her life. I couldn’t have written a web page for a kindergartener after that call. (It took a large cappuccino, a walk around the block and a “How you doing?” WITH EYEBROW RAISE from the Colin Farrell lookalike who works at the yogurt shop before I was able to sit down and write this post!)

If you let negative people take over you can kiss your own ambitions goodbye. I’m not saying you should shun your friends just because they’re having a bad day. (No, that would make you a frenemy). But if you find yourself constantly having your efforts and energies diverted from your own goals, dreams and projects to talk about your friend’s boyfriend’s dumping her for the 50th time, then maybe you need to let her go like a helium balloon (though you are the one who will rise, once you have jettisoned that lead weight).

It doesn’t have to be goodbye forever. Just take a break, like couples do.

Give yourself time to finish those college applications, record that album on your brother’s home studio or write that best-seller (if we did it, you can do it!).

Give your friend some time to get her act together (or not). And give her a copy of our book!”

MS. J:

Waiting for Ms. J’s comments…
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The legend goes there was a prince who loved to have beautiful women tell him stories. Each night he would summon a beautiful woman to the palace to entertain him with a story. But after the girl told the story, the prince would have her killed. One night a girl came along who told the most wonderful story yet. The prince was enthralled, couldn’t wait to hear the ending. Just when the girl got to the best part she stopped telling the story and said, “I’ll tell you the rest tomorrow.” Thus the girl lived until the next day. That night she came back and lived to see the next day by again saying “I’ll tell you the rest tomorrow” This went on for 1001 nights until the prince married her and they, of course, lived happily ever after.

Ladies you don’t need to be an IB student to recognize the hidden message here. Always leave them wanting more. And yes, we’re talking about sex here. (Moms – chill.) BUT we’re not talking just about the hands-on stuff. There are all kinds of ways you can leave a guy wanting more. If you really think about your actions and stay true to your intentions.

This is what happened to me recently:

I was out in the city in a really cool part, having the best time just walking around, looking for something to do. It was the first time I had motivated myself to go into the city for a long time (having forgotten my motto – “A day spent entirely in the suburbs is a day not truly lived.”) I was thinking about how much I loved the atmosphere– the old buildings and streets, the interesting mix of people, the laughably dorky tourists. The abundance of specialized retail the likes of which the suburban mall will never see. (Not that I could afford anything – teacher paycheck – but it’s nice to know where to head once those book checks start rolling in.)

So anyway I get this text from this guy. This is a guy that I am NOT very interested in and this is where the lesson comes in. He texted me did I want to meet him at this (moms cover your ears) boring-sounding bar I had never heard of. I didn’t even know where it was. Why? Because it was all the way out in the suburbs. Now, you know if I had really liked this guy it could have been all the way out in Nevada and my keys would already have been in the ignition. But not this guy. There was no way I was leaving the best and most fun part of the city to go to some generic bar in the suburbs. It didn’t matter if I was just walking around or if I was in line at 7-11 trying to buy a Gatorade and a Chipwich. It was more fun that drinking in the suburbs with someone I didn’t really like.

So I told him no! Hmm, a novel feeling – turning someone down. It felt strangely…good! Empowering. And did the guy go away mad? Of course not!! He wanted me all the more. (Unfortunately for him he never was going to get me, but he didn’t know it at the time.) Now what would have happened all these years if I had pulled this on guys I actually was attracted to? Hello, ring on the finger! Hello, Ms. P. in a bridesmaid’s dress!

Okay there’s a chance that if I tried this on a guy I liked he might have just given up, found someone else to hang out with, or joined the priesthood. But then that would have provided a time and emotion-saving opportunity to discover he just wasn’t that into me.

Saying no to something you really don’t want to do is a win-win situation. (Unless it’s a family activity. Then you’re obligated.)

The “Leave Them Wanting More” technique can also be employed with a variety of people besides boyfriends. Friends, frenemies, car salesmen to name but a few. One person you do not, however want to leave wanting more is your teacher. Not unless you want an “I” on your report card and your car keys stowed snugly away in your father’s dresser drawer.

MS. J:

Waiting for Ms. J’s comments….

MS. J:
Why, yes, you can admire the work ethic of Ryan Seacrest? But when your motivation comes in 6 figures, it does not take much to get one person going. If they offered you million of dollars for a couple of day’s work, who would be running on no sleep too! If you want to admire the work ethic of Ryan Seacrest, then I also suggest the work ethic of Vanna White, Pat Sajak, Alex Trebek, any Kardashian sister, Paris Hilton. Do you see the point? Anybody can do those jobs!

Want to admire somebody? Admire the work ethic of a parent (single or married), working 40 plus hours a week, not knowing if they will be laid off soon, paying a mortgage in a house that everyday loses value, all for the salary of less than $50,000 a year (before taxes).

“Say what you need to say.” These are just not lyrics to John Mayer’s hit song. Nothing is more confusing than when people skirt around the issue.

I once had a colleague who liked to overexert his power. He and I were at the same professional level, although he had more years in the field. One year he was given a special title. This title did not make his position rise on the totem pole (although he thought it did). After that he always tried to be so philosophical and wise when giving directions, comments, and unwanted advice. He actually left me more confused than ever (trying to sound grand and mighty but in the end sounding more like a complete and pompous jackass). When you would ask him to clarify himself, he would get all puffy and upset that you did not speak idiot lingo.

What is the point? Sometimes less is more. Don’t try to sound as if you are better than a person by stringing together big words and clichés. Remember this quote from Lincoln: “It is better to be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

MS. D:

This provides an opportunity to learn an important life lesson. When faced with unwanted advice from someone whose opinion you do not respect, the best course of action is to remain quiet, smile, agree with everything they say, then change the subject and make them laugh. Once free from their clutches continue doing exactly what you were doing.

MS. J:

There is nothing cute about being shoved by your boyfriend. An IJNC girl has absolutely zero tolerance for this behavior. A push turns into a shove, which turns into hit, which turns into punches, which all should have just been stopped at the first instance. If you don’t let your friends talk to you in a degrading manner there is no excuse for allowing a boyfriend to get physical with you.

Breaking in a new pair of stiletto heels hurts. Getting hair extension weaved into your hair hurts. Earning an “F” on a test hurts. There is absolutely nothing about love that should physically hurt. There is only one time when love should physically hurt and that is when you are in labor. First of all, you are all too young to be engaging in events that could lead to that. And second of all, when you are old enough in a committed and loving relationship, that hurt could be easily comforted with an epidural.

MS. D:

It’s just not cute when your boyfriend shoves you. Duh. It’s even more not cute when he tries to convince you that it’s “all your fault.” But what’s really not cute is when you buy into that (pardon our Dominican Yiddish) complete BS and go along with the plot.

Someone said that we cannot control what happens to us in life, only how we react to it. As we said before, BS. One way we can exert control is to be PROACTIVE and be more selective about who we hang out with. Your boyfriend might be the cutest guy in the school but watch him in the hallways. Does he have to touch (pound, punch or tackle) every person he passes? Is he known for being the most “intense” player on the football team? Does he foul out of every basketball game in the first quarter? Not saying you’re definitely dating a Chris Brown, but you might want to be just that little bit more wary.

When someone is waving a red flag, don’t pretend you’re colorblind. And if someone tries to tell you that it’s “your fault” that they laid their hands on you (in a non-mackin’ way) then they have just revealed themselves to be the crazy, manipulative little coward that you definitely do NOT want to spend the rest of your life – or even the next five minutes – with.

Don’t even bother to say goodbye. Just pick up your purse – and your dignity – and dash away in record time. This is what is known as “terminating contact.” And don’t play into apologies, promises of never again or any other drama. Do not buy a ticket to his show. You’ve already seen it and it sucks!

The short way of saying this was said in the musical “The Color Purple.” “If a Man Raises His Hand…..Hell no!!!!!” (sometimes it’s appropriate to swear.)